My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
