wat bout pragnant strippers??
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
