Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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