In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
