ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
