You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
