happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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