Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
