It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
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We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
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I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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