mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
