barbara walters just said penis...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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