i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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