I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
