I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
