I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
