How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
