counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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