have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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