I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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