we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
