thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
