whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
