he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
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I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
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when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
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