Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
