I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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