If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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