I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
