That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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