Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
