i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
