I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
