My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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