are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize