On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
