Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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