How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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