Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Still dying that you shit outside
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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