My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
