do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
