Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
