dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The uberlube is also flammable
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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