I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
