I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
