My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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