those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm passing your future prison.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
