remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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