pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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