i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
