he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
