I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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