Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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