dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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