i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
