I wannas sexs uuuuu
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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