Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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