just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
