Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
