my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
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