I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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