But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
