Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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