You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
