can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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