okay pat passed out under dana's car
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
