I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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