Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You're a waste of cheezeits
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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