oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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