Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
