I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
