this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
