Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
