I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
