I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
